Hold to the Rod
This high quality straight and narrow vibrator is based on a design by Nephi himself. Prepare to be shaken by the hand of the Lord.
Long and Thick
Sure, it’s racist AF, but once you go Cannan, you’ll never again settle for Enoch. This huge Ham cannon is the reason the Israelites banned pork.
Satan's In Control
Prepare to be dragged down to servitude. Satan will bind you and keep you weeping and wailing until you repent.
Like a Lollipop
To each is given a gift, and this gift will wow you in any language. You won’t need a seerstone to translate those screams of “OH MY GOD,” and to know you’ve reached the highest degree of celestial glory.
Bad Never Felt So Good
You’ve been naughty. You know it. And you know that your leader knows it. And you can’t deny it. God doesn’t look on sin with any allowance. Confess your sins and feel the scourge of the righteous wrath of God.
Outer Darkness
It’s tough to imagine that one third of the hosts of heaven are into this, but if the Son of the Morning is what you’re seeking, prepare to experience hell. Descend into outer darkness you filthy son of perdition.
Golden Protection
There’s a time to multiply and replenish the earth, but the Holy Ghost goes to bed at midnight, and sometimes the natural man doesn’t want to wait until he can be sealed in the new and everlasting covenant. Don’t risk your sword of righteousness by leaving your loins ungirded.
Prophet Revelation
This inflatable prophet, seer, and revelator will remind you why the OG Brigham laid more pipe than the Saints laid waste to the American West.
Warning: this product may cause an allergic reaction in people sensitive to racism and misogyny.
I'm a Saint - I want to Come
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